Hey..........
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
Tonight we make our dreams come true.

Mr. Bryan Adams, whosoever is your lyricist, say hello to him and give my sincerest thanks.

First the disclaimers-

1. I am not here to blog, I am here to take over the world. Yes, Vinter, you read it right-I have used your name again and taken inspiration from you too.

2. I am not here to make friends kyunki Pranesh ke dost ki sabse badi galti ye hai ki wo Pranesh ka dost hai.

3. I am not here for getting anonymous comments on my post. Hope you get the drift.

4. I am not here to counsel anyone about love nor am I here to narrate any stories.

5. I am not here to make a statement though precisely for this reason, I blog.

6. I am not here.

Now, the post-

A lot is happening around me and that too at a fast clip, too fast in fact. While Jhoom Barabar Jhoom jhooms and zooms around me, I am in a state of disarray. I am in Kharagpur. I am in my room #B114. I am in a whirlpool of emotions. I am in the midst of my project/training. I am in LLR Hall of Residence. I am in a state of distress. I am in a zone. Yes, I am disoriented.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not perfect. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about the recipe to be the perfect man whom the guys love and gals envy. Hehee, don't get me wrong- I sway the right way, was just trying to tell you that this is Kalyug[:P].

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not good at academics anymore. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to get good grades and finally reached this conclusion-I can't.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not artistic or creative. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to inculcate these and finally reached this conclusion-become articulate and confuse people.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am becoming obese. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to control this and finally reached this conclusion-don't be happy.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am lazy. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become agile and finally reached this conclusion-keep fantasizing about being agile.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not a good friend. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to be one and finally reached this conclusion-shoo them.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am short-tempered. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to control it and finally reached this conclusion-screw the world, i.e., take over the world and act cool about it.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am breakable. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become unbreakable and reached this conclusion-use plastics hereafter.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am a bad blogger. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about it and finally reached this conclusion-there are worse ones around, so keep blogging.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am always idle. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become busy and so I blogged.

Hey,
Here I am, this is me
Blogging to become a busy bee.

Thanks for your patience. Satyanarayan bhagwan ki katha samapt nahi hui hai, comment karke jaiyega.

P.S: All this was jotted down so that I remember what all I have to do to take over the world. Now, when my Ghoda comes to your rajya, do let him roam freely. After all, its' by your blessings only that my ashvamedha yajna(yagya if you are weak in Hindi) will culminate in me taking over the world, i.e., my temper.

May his soul rest in shit!

Disclaimer: I am writing this as Pranesh Kumar Chaudhary. If some people get hurt in the process, they are most welcome.

All those who comment as anonymous will be doomed as the hero of this post is, i.e., their souls will rest in shit.

Ok this post is dedicated to all the naysayers and protestors by the Halla band. So lets’ hit it, come on!

Pointblank - this is the character, the hero, the freak who made me restless enough to blog on the last day of ‘another’ semester. For the lesser illuminated as I was till a few days back, this is the blog signature of one of the worst hypocrites KGP has ever seen. The freak (I am taking this liberty because magnanimous that he is, he must have got accustomed with being called names) publishes all the shit that is possible by his narrow mind in his publication and then gets up and has the guts to review others. The freak takes huge pride in the dramatics achievements and the unruly and cowardly behavior of his mates in the same breath. The freak believes he is blessed enough to see what the mere mortals can’t and those on the other side of the fence created by him can’t even see what is visible to everyone. The freak was the first one to bring out a finger from his nose and poke at the poltu and God culture of KGP and seems too stricken himself by the same ( Sincere plea: If you, Mr. Freak, are reading this please poke that finger of yours now in the socket of your UPS to spare the world). The freak is of the school of thought that believes we should be true enough to ourselves and perform ‘only’ dramatics in an Institute with technology as its core competence.

Now this Mr. Freak of ours started a newspaper presumably because the elites (title conferred by Intel Inside) running the media (Hoof!) were swayed by the western culture (proclaimed in the letter to editor section of their issue by another esteemed freak). Hey man, get a life! You publish pathetic poems with the government money and your fellows decry even the bhaat by others. The freak then selects a jumbo team of 50 in 5 selections and YES, Mr. Freak I have concrete info on how people were called up and begged to join the team. All this to publish one issue per semester. Naah, he had bigger ambitions, or let me put it in a better way – he had this whim of bada hoke kuch karenge (We’ll discuss this after a while). Coming back to his Hindi parody of everything in general and something in particular, he copies the very concept and then his fellows say that the bar graphs, invented in the field of Mathematics (Something fishy, did anyone say Department for field?) by them only got copied. The whole publication worked like the mouthpiece of his hall and Illu and Rangoli pics of winning teams were overlooked in favor of his deserving hall’s pics.

There is so much more that I can write but we have more burning topics like feticide, err, Festicide. Yes, my sincere plea to all the KGPians reading this is to develop festicides which when applied to this freak will cure his inferiority complex. It is the very Junta which puts the core team members and heads on a pedestal and not the other way wherein the selected ones go around begging for attention as this freak did. He wanted us all to believe that organizing a fest is easy. Well, it might be but not for a suave copycat like our freak. He once again copied, this time, one of the main attractions and success of the fests and presented the most haphazard version of a fest. Mr. Intel Nowhere or Mr. Pentium 0, read this carefully if you do read it ever – the fest was a failure on all accounts and least because of slothfulness of Junta. The effort put in was pathetic, the arrangements higgledy-piggledy (Vinter, happy?) and the faces of the members and heads during the fest piteous. I won’t go into what all I have heard but Mr. Freak, the fact that the participants were called up to increase the participation from, hold your breath, 0 and one of the main sponsors abused all of your team in public wasn’t the status message of Manoj. Taking snaps from angles which show that sizeable crowd did turn out and boasting the outstation participation to be more than other fests in their formative years isn’t enough. For your information, Ankur had about four times the number of outstation participants in its one and only attempt. I must make it clear here that I have nothing against the fest but my freak needs festicides.

Now the small matter of his hall commitments and the happenings inside one’s hall. Let me tell you all with again Vinter and Manoj as witnesses that its’ not a rumor but yes, the inmates :) of your hall who were eye witnesses to all this were the source of the 'shaking of all kinds of parts of anatomy'.

I know that Mr. Freak, magnanimous that he is, and another magnanimous personality, who people proclaim was the one smacked by the shaking, have reached a point of no return. So, another and the last plea of this post: please ensure that they read this post and see the review of themselves by me. There is always this chance of our Mr. freak poking his fingers in you-know-where after reading this.

Hence, I sincerely believe that Mr. Freak won’t find place even in hell or shit.

That day has arrived. Yes, the realization struck me just 11.01 seconds back. Now I know that I too have it. As my friends have always believed, I possess the knack of blogging. I just felt something knocking inside and that knocking wasn't by Vinter who wants me to utilize my huge time-base in creative things which he believes I might be good at. So, today, err tonight with sun, moon, me, my love and Manoj as the witnesses, I take the oath to update my blog regularly and that means putting up new posts not anything else(Bafna, please take note). Actually, the point is not what an arbit person means by updating the blog, it is the IUPAC mening of updating a blog which matters.

Now, let me make all of you familiar with my present state of mind. I am a B.tech, 4th semester student in Ghasi department here in KGP. My CG is just below my navel and refuses to go upwards despite the bulge in my upper limbs. I have three class tests lined up in next 31 hrs. and believe me, I am destined to get zero in all three. I am very desperate to have an internship in the coming summers and there is no chance I will get one. I have not been home for more than 100 days which is a record for someone like me who made 6 trips from Trichy to Muzffarpur in Bihar in just 1 year. I have a low attendance in Economics and have a class at 9.30 tomorrow. I am listening to some of the worst Hindi classical songs. I had a very uplifting and demeaning chat with one of the esteemed seniors(not anymore though, sorry to all who understand and have taken pains to read till now) in evening who questions every answer I have and also other things which I am used to considering as my only strengths. Worse, I want to update this blog and worse still, I had a great bhaat chat session courtesy Gtalk with Jhamlaal Budhwa(for the lesser illuminated, he is Rohan Singh-http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=1799341354496561605).

Here it goes::
Rohan:
padh rahe ho?


Pranesh:
nahi


Rohan:
to???


Pranesh:
vin se chat kar rahe hain


Rohan:

k...
lage raho....

waise main bhi tab se nahi padha...



Pranesh:



Sent at 1:24 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
padhna shuru kiya?


Pranesh:
naa
kisalay se chat kar rahe hain


Rohan:
wah...


Sent at 2:14 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
mera kon sa no hai...



Pranesh:
last


Rohan:

waise padhne waale ho kya kuchh?


Pranesh:
haan


Rohan:
sahiiiiii.........


Sent at 2:15 AM on Tuesday

Pranesh:
bolo saale
tumhara no. aa gaya


Rohan:
arre baap re...
aho bhajna humare...


Pranesh:
ab ka hua?


Rohan:
jo aap chat karne padhare...



Pranesh:



Rohan:
waise jaake padh lo l@#$%...


Pranesh:
ab chalo padhai shuru karen
waise
mera parson yani wednesday ko bhi 2 test hai
muhahahaha
isliye jaachi sute
good nite


Sent at 2:26 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
waise ye bata ki tumko neend kitne der mein aane waali hai...


Pranesh:
kuch keh nahi sakte


Rohan:
saala tumne mere haath se baat chhen liya/...


Pranesh:
kitab leke baithe to abhi turant
nahi to subah
muhaha


Rohan:
saale sudhar ja...
yaad karo... mcea etc etc...



Pranesh:
sudharing is the process of change
n ny change is encountered by the unwillingness to change
so it ll take time to cahnge
*change
as change is not spontaneous


Rohan:
the unwillingness or urself???
change is spontaneous...


Pranesh:
unwillingness=me, myself


Rohan:
oooooo.........


Pranesh:
everything is constant
except change


Rohan:
hat....


Pranesh:
gaab funda
gazab


Rohan:
everything changes...


Pranesh:
no, everything is constant except change
change changes
nothing else


Rohan:
so if change changes then all other things also change...
hence everything changes...


Pranesh:
ya, but thts the beauty of chaange
though everything is constant, jus coz of the hange in change, everything changes
*xchange
*change


Rohan:
this is like... x is a variable...
or x= a+ a variable...


Pranesh:
no no, dont bring maths in philosophy of life


Rohan:
a=const


Pranesh:
x is never a variable, its' always the 24th alphabet in philosophy


Rohan:
arre this will simplify ur thought process...


Pranesh:
so chnage changes
*change
constant constant


Rohan:
bhak...


Pranesh:
this follows 4m the murphy-green law


Rohan:
bas yahi na buri aadat hai...


Pranesh:
that that is is


Rohan:
chillane lagte ho...


Pranesh:
jo jo hota hai wahi hota hai


Rohan:
ye kya hai???
light girao...


Pranesh:
dekho
dikha?


Rohan:
nah...


Pranesh:
achcha ab dekho


Rohan:
achchha se...


Pranesh:
dikha?


Rohan:



Pranesh:
ek baar fir :dekho
dikha?


Rohan:



Pranesh:
finally dikh gaya


Rohan:
nah....


Pranesh:
dekhe dekhna dekhna hi hota hai
theek usi tarah jaise patel patel hai
sumeet sumeet
loha loha
waise hi dekhna dekhna hota hai
aur jo jo hota hai wahi hota hai
ab dikha?


Rohan:
k/....
haan


Pranesh:
jai dikhna


Rohan:



Pranesh:



Rohan:
veeru...


Pranesh:


maza aa gaya bhaat me
ab chalo padho


Rohan:
main nahi padh raha...
main ab subah padhunga...


Pranesh:
hehee, main bhi nahi


Rohan:



Pranesh:
par padhne ka dhong to karo



Rohan:
k...
:ghonting



Pranesh:



Rohan:
jai padhai...

ab bai...


Pranesh:
ata
*atat

Meanwhile, I had another buzz from another of the esteemed seniors.
Here are the excerpts(which were bloggable after censoring)

Suvrat:
padh le sale


Suvrat Bafna is busy.

Suvrat:
Job nahi lagti ghaasi mein, pata hai naa


Pranesh:
koi fayeda nahi


Suvrat:
abhi tak bahuton ki nahi lagi hai


Pranesh:
waise aapko kaise pata ki hum nahi padh rahe


Suvrat:
jinhone padhai ki unki lag gayi hai
i assumed you must be on phone


Pranesh:
waah, hum bada hoke padhne wale banenge
heheee


Suvrat:
bada hoke?
abhi kya chota sa ho?


Pranesh:
abhi bahut bada hona hai
aur kya


Suvrat:
koi nahi, PhD karna phir, pane saaer prof yahi kiye hain
apne saare*


Pranesh:



Suvrat:
kyun ballab jala riya hai
XXY(name with-held for security purposes) ke under project kar riya hai ki nahi?


Pranesh:
idea aaya bada hone ka
kar rahe hain


Suvrat:
badhiya hai
tum apni virginity loose karne waale ho vats


Pranesh:
baby doll ka naya album niklega usme kaam karenge
wot makes u think i m virgin



Suvrat:
chehre se pata chal jata hai


Pranesh:
ooho


Suvrat:
unless you mean you've done it with a boy


Pranesh:
saala, chehra phir dhoka de diya


Suvrat:
agar nahi, toh congrats
mubarak ho


Pranesh:
aaj tak bas mess me nuksaan hota tha


Suvrat:
XXY bahut satisfy hone waali hai
tera toh Ex pakka


Pranesh:
muhahahaha


Suvrat:
and huhau reco bhi


Pranesh:
subject hai hi nahi koi , ex kisme le len


Suvrat:
arey uska bahut pauuwa hai
specially agar tere XXX(again, for security purposes) ko bolegi toh wo oh laga hi dega naa



Pranesh:
waise agle 33 ghante me mere 3 tests hain aur humko sabme 0 aane ki bhavisyawani hui hai



Suvrat:
hmm
koi nahi, magne e bhi kuch nahi hoga


Pranesh:
ab moksha prapt ho gaya hai humko
padho na pdho grades barabar aate hain
jaise ki D aur P
aaur


Suvrat:
hehe

Now, the point I raised about my face giving me dhokha is explained below:-
In the 1st year, I was in MMM hall with Chinmaya, Tauseef, Tejas and Janishar as my mess-mates, i.e, with them, I used to go to mess. What used to happen whenever I wanted a second helping of anything was a constant(Rohan, I told you naa). Everytime, I was rebuffed by the mess staff while all my mates got any number of helpings they wanted. Now, but for Janishar(sorry dude), everyone looks decently handsome in that group of mine. So after a nightlong deliberation(exaggeration at its worst) Chinmaya concluded that its' nothing but my thobra aur face which fails me at that crucial time when I beg for that little extra.
So, here is my emotional plea to all of you who have read this nonsensical crap, never go by the face for it is not my fault or for that matter, nobody's fault that I have mirror-cracking looks. Yeah, can't help it. I just am damn good looking.

Now you people are craving for a conclusion. Here, it is---never go by face value and also, never question my strengths 'coz by strength, I mean strength by the Murphy-Green law.

Adieu.

P.S: If you have read this and are in no mood to comment, you suck and are increasing my maladies.

Since I don't have enough tempo to write something new but wanted to update my blog badly, here is my article which was published in K-Speak, 06.

KGP Decoded!

Cut to 2020…………………..

KGP welcomes Robert Langdon, great symbolgist and cryptographer from Harvard University.

Our K-Speak team had the privilege to share a few moments with the phenomenon himself. Here are the excerpts:

K-Speak (KS):-Welcome Prof. How was the flight?

Robert Langdon (RL) (shrugging shoulders):-Lets’ not waste time in formalities. By the way, ask how the flight attendant was. You guys really have your fundas in place. That lass who escorted me right from Harvard to your Tech. Guest House is a damsel. Man, is she ravishing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KS (with a little chuckle):-Actually, she is from VGSOM.

RL:-She is definitely the epitome, the symbol of Indian beauty.

KS:-Talking about symbols, which sign or cryption struck you first in KGP?

RL:-Ummmm……. (Stretches arms)Well, the platform-its length is 1072 meters. If you sum up the digits you get 10 which gives 1 on summation again, i.e., IIT-KGP is 1^st among equals.

KS:-Great! Dwell more on the symbols in the campus.

RL:-Okay, see… the incline you have in the road leading to the institute ……….its at an angle 13degrees 13 minutes and at this angle between the sun and the moon, the Earth is half covered by sunlight. This means that the rest of the world basks in the glorious light of the IITians.

KS (getting excited):- Is it?

RL:-Yeah! Now the automated level crossing .In the erstwhile Roman Empire when the gladiators couldn’t decide who is the best they were made to stand before a similar crossing. It used to swing open for the ultimate warrior just as it did here for our vehicle which had a master card holder in that pretty woman (Gosh!!).

KS:-Junta would definitely like to know more.

RL:-Okay. The institute is on the left side of the main road and we all know for vertical thinking, i.e., technical tickling we use the left side of our brain.

KS:-Superb!

RL:-The width to height ratio of your institute building is THE DIVINE RATIO.

KS:-Oh God!

RL:-The painting on the wall adjacent to the entrance of The Architecture Department is of THE VITRUVIAN MAN by Leonardo da Vinci.

KS (dazed by now):-How do you decode all this?

RL:-See, it’s not Rocket Science. It involves two basic principles, those of Observing and correlating it with whatever knowledge you have acquired from others’ past studies.

KS:-How can one start off?

RL:-Patience man! Start with simple things and look for the lateral angles in those. Like, the 2.2 km elliptical track you have .Your Gymkhana is at its focus which controls all the activities in the campus just like the sun in the solar system. On a lighter note, the girls’ hall is at the second focus (laughs heartily)!

KS:-What about TOAT?
RL:-Well, the diameter of the TOAT is exactly the same as the dimension of Noah’s Ark, the refuge of all creatures during the great deluge of the Christian Mythology.

Similarly, you guys give vent to your feelings, both frustration and zeal, in TOAT during fests and seek refuge from acads.

KS:-Genius! Sir, we are in fact really grateful to you for decoding our KGP for us!

RL:-Well, anything for that damsel!!