Summit Apartments, Vadodra.
Something strange is bound to happen today.
I woke up in the morning with a buzz on gtalk. It’s my sixteenth birthday today. The piano tune coming from the apartment next door on left, the canoodling of the couple from the apartment in front of my window and the throaty voice of Jai abusing his wife from the apartment on right – well, all is same as any other day in this city has been. Hey, but what is this? I have a vague feeling something happened with me last night. What was it? Ummmm. Nopes, can’t recollect. Let me try some more. Still, same result. Zilch. What was it?
Ok, what can I do about it. So, I will now go and prepare my breakfast and lunch. Here I go. I know this is sounding like a running commentary but bear with me.
Wait, someone is knocking at my door. Why is it giving me shivers? Must be Avinash, his fridge breaks down way too often.
I have opened my fridge now and its’ not cold inside. Has mine gone awry too? Perhaps. The frozen pizzas are frozen and still it’s not feeling cold.
I have now turned on the oven and its’ not hot inside. Are my utilities planning a mutiny of some sort? Hold on guys, I will leave this place in a month. Have some patience. Let me try the microwave.
Wait, the knocking is growing heavy. Why am I sweating? But, of course – the cooler needs to be switched on.
I am still trying to recollect the night while the clock ticks on the microwave display. Another 75 seconds till the cheese melts. 60 more. Zilch again.
I have become a good cook on this trip of mine. Last night, I cooked……………. Shit, why am I stuck at this word?
Knocking continues. Go on lad, I don’t care. I have my pizzas to savor. Wow! Not the pizza, the rhyme of care and savor. I have become a good poet too. Last night, I wrote………….What did I write? Must be saved on my laptop, I can check later. It’s already 8, I must rush through all the daily banalities to catch my bus to my workplace.
Oh, fuck. This knocking must stop now. Let me open the gate and give this one a good lashing. I am now walking towards my gate. The alarm-clock starts to sing some crap. I had left it on snooze. Maybe. I will first attend to the barbarian at my gate. Oh, no. There is no barbarian at the gate, there are barbarians. Dozens of them. What do they want of me? Another question unanswered. What a waste of day. So many questions and no answers.
I have this gut feeling that the key to all answers is somewhere in the memories I cannot recollect.
I will first open the door. Once again the bloody knob. Its’ not coming out. Why are they coming inside, why can’t I stop them, what are they all staring at, what is there on the sofa?
No. This can’t be. Its’ me there. Colored in red. No, colored in blood. Murdered.
Now that I know that I am dead having seen my body as bodily evidence, I have all my memories in place. I came back last night as usual on the same local train with Jai, Avinash and Simran. After dinner, I went to bed with my favorite novel, the latest one in Harry Potter series.
And then…… wait, someone is knocking at my door. Why is it giving me shivers? I know the answer. 7 fortnights ago, similar knocking took everything from me. No, took is not the correct word, snapped everything from me. Everything was over in a flash. I tried to look through the window and remembered the futility of all this done in the same room by her, my mother.
Knocking continued. It hardly mattered anymore. I unlatched the knob with unsteady hands and twittering nails. It was them, once again. They had got this whiff that I remain, yes, a living being referred to as remainder. They sprang out a sheet. I didn’t bother to read and saw upwards. They sniggered thinking I was saying my prayers. I winked and soon my wink turned into a full-fledged laugh. What more can they do to me?
One bullet, then another, and another and then a few more.
I went down with a smile spread on my lips and a prayer to cure these mentally challenged bastards. And, in the list of patients, add those too who will kill them for the same hatred.
I was Aslam. Yes, I was.
30 comments:
Great one. It deals with a burning social issue, an issue which is not just burning but also burning others around itself. Good thing about this piece is that it has also been written in burning prose.
Good one.
It can instigate lot of quiet souls and quieten a few instigated ones too I hope. Very powerful. Great work.
hmm 2nd effort in a row, and each time power of expressions in growin. Really showing the authors tenacity towards the issue. Keep it up n all d best for the comin ones. :)
I won't stand in the same queue as the two gentlemen above.
I felt that the composition was monotonous at the beginning which normalized all of a sudden (good change). It was quite obvious right form the beginning that Aslam was dead. According to me, way the plot started shaping up, it leaked the suspense (bad thing.. suspense of whats wrong on should have persisted until author (you) wanna reveil that)
According to me, if u have given more emphasis at the point of ,Alsam being pity on his murderers, would have touched the readers deeply.
now the positive part ..
I do agree with chinmaya .. the Social agenda was well taken care of. and the flow of the composition was very good. over all the composition is crisp, short and delicately balanced.
Waiting for the next one.. :)
luck :)
@Chinmaya
Thanks a lot for agreeing and the appreciation. I do hope that your hope bears fruit.
btw, i received an email which had a blog with similar sentiments. do buzz me, i ll give u the link...
@Himanshu
Bhai, sabse pehle to comment karne ke liye shukriya..and am really encouraged to write more on the same by ur words.
@Vikash
Well, about not standing in the queue, i am a bit unclear about the points you disagree on with these two gentlemen.
About the start being monotonous, the disclaimer is ther in the mail which says b"bear with me".
About the suspense bit, did you know at the onset that the person who was dead fell prey to the communal bastards and more importantly that he wasn't jus dead, he was murdered?
About the positive part, thanks for finding the post positive, i really hope all this crap stops.
There isn't much reason, I would like to point out, to find the beginning of the story "monotonous" other than the disclaimer "bear with me" itself. This is The Power of Suggestion my friend. Bol do ki aaj thodi zyada thand hai to half your family feels the same, and mysteriously enough feel obliged to wear the pullover they had earlier decided against wearing!
Nice post, although I didn't understand the exact social issue you are raising. I first thought it might be murder, but that sounded unlikely. So then I changed it to Aslam's murder, but I was not sure whether that really was a social issue. I mean, is it, really? I mean are Aslams really treated that bad?
Also, since I have this habit of finding weird things interesting, here is the weird interesting thing for this post -
"Another question unanswered. What a waste of day. So many questions and no answers."
I don't know why, but I find this line very interesting. Looks like a nice reason for considering a day wasted.
I am eagerly waiting for the comment of a particular person (I hope you know who)since your last post dealt with the same issue and it wasn't acceptable to that person only.
The post is undoubtedly a great piece. The presentation was awesome and I like to read such awesome stuff and thus increase your frequency. [no smiley]
I will say the post is a good one and certainly reveals the issue of religionism that exists since independence and has taken a brisk form. But the thing I wanna ask is that does this post really make those ppl feel guilty of their thinking or deeds or would it help in making them feel pity for their opposite religion? If yes, then how? And one more thing.. these kind of posts make me feel very apprehensive and you can understand why.
@Chinmaya
Superb observation. Thanks
@Vinayak
Good that you found out something interesting.
Bad that you couldn't find out the social issue.
It is definitely not about only Aslam, it is about all those Aslams, Amars and Anthonys who are as normal as ya human being can be but get butchered just 'coz their religious beliefs are not the same as the perverted others.
Thanks for commenting..wud love a long gtalk session wid u on this..
@Anurag
achcha kia re no smiley likh ke.."frequency" reminds me of the creatively challenged seniors during the OP..[:P]
About the post, huhesh thanks for commenting and appreciating...ll try to present more awesome reads to you..[:D]
@Balika
First of all, thanks for commenting and finding the post good enuf.
About whether it makes the bastards feel guilty, I don't know about those who are past the no-return mark but certainly expect that those who have been bestowed the power to think will give it a thought next time they go out to kill someone of other fraternity. The aim was to make it apparent that the common man is same across all religions and as chinmays's comment says-- hopefully, It can instigate lot of quiet souls and quieten a few instigated ones too..
Oh ye tha kya issue? And I was under the impression that the post talked about something I didn't feel for. Shit galti ho gayi.
Doing such things in the name of religion is crappy, I am a fervent believer of this fact. In fact, it is so crappy that I might even say that it doesn't deserve such a post as this. This post makes it feel heavy, whereas slapping it in the face would be a better thing to do with it. A post full of extremely sarcastic comments about it is what it deserves.
I feel that people should stop doing such things not because its inhuman, but because it's extremely stupid!
well i could not get the plot initially.I thought you are going to explain your pizza recipe :P (guessed so from your status msg)..anyways..You wrote it quite well but pardon me for not comprehending the rhymes and all other literal stuff u made( They normally pass over my head :P)..I got your point, and pointing out to that point,i must point that it was a good point.
@Vinayak
Yo! Thanks for agreeing so fervently. I am now waiting for a sarcastically slapping post on the same from your blog 'coz you can do it the best way.
Keep Commenting..[:P]
@Sifar
Excellent points pointed in the comments. Thankooo.
But i was just wondering,how can this be solved?I have read always that education enlightens you.But what if teachers(parents are also teachers) too have such anti-social mindsets?..what then?...Too many questions and not too many answers,another day wasted??..Since many of us don't want to waste our precious days in finding a solution,such situation exists!!!
oye... simply awesome.... all ur blogs r good, but somehow... i feel dis one beats the rest... the plot evolving round the knock sound is good.. really good.... someday if u evolve this into a short story, I would definetly buy the 1st copy.. :D... beautifully ritten
@Sifar
A very pertinent point raised. This is another question to which we must demand answers from within. To start with, we can treat this line as an axiom - All human beings are human, whatever classification group they have been classified into.
About not wasting our precious time, ghar ki safai me haath gande kaun kare is very apt. sabko behtar aur safe society chahiye but kuch karenge nahi hum.
lets' make a change.
@Sushmita
All the comments have been good but this one beats the rest..[:P]..
thanks for the appreciation of the post's literary skills..don't forget the social issue raised too..let all of us try and make a change..
aur haan book kharidne ka waada karke tumne mere dilpe se kitta bada bojh halka kia hai main bata nahi sakta..[:D][:P]
Speechless!!
Start writing for a newspaper or some weekly like Lal-Bal-Pal did.
But this time we need many more Praneshes to get rid of these anti-social evils.
Great work Dude!!
Wonderfully written.
Try writing on North-East problems too.
@Janishar
Being speechless won't help much, we need to start shouting from rooftops to make our fellows get back from slumber. waise, nice suggestion..
and abt north-east, dil se dekh ke comment karne baitha tha kya..[:P]..
on serious note, i ll surely try
its sad things such as these have to be thought of and written... now about the post... nicely written... hope that it helps...
Pranesh da
Itriguing plot . Neend se uthke padha , chamakne mein time laga [:P] . As for the issue , I don't think it's relevant to us , I mean I dont think it's relevant to today's youth ; Coz i feel more or less the Indian youth today is above all such petty differences . It's the fanatics of the previous generation who continue to coerce (and a few unemployed who are happy to get paid no matter what the supaari is for).
Which is bound to change as time passes by ...
I don't think us type ke buddhe Blogs vagera padhte hain, And frankly this blog does not hit the target whom it is actually supposed to . On the other hand , the previous post was related to more of a mindset issue , which plagues Indians at large including us which indeed was touching .
You should blog more frequently , definitely.
ASTMVNA
dude awesome! had a wonderful time reading :)
@Rohan
Yes, indeed it's sad, very sad. let's not just hope, try and change this too..
@AVNM
bhai mere, it is good to use rose-tinted eyes for self-congratulations. but ur observation is much much far away from the stark reality that faces a common man. do u think it was a handful of ppl who orchestrated the whole of Gujarat? u got to meet some of the hindu and muslim hardliner dick-heads..i know a few of them and would love a long discussion on this from u...
we cant jus look the other way and say everything is fine and the youth has other things on his mind..these lines looks good on an election agenda or an india shining campiagn...
thanks for commenting
@ARS
thanks da..
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